When Poetry is Lost
Written by Kelly on January 25th, 2010I need to write, but I fear my own words. I am also terrified of the words of others.
My son was evaluated last week. I sit here waiting for reports that may be filled with words like severe ADHD, maladaptive behavior, depression, OCD, high functioning Autism, or Aspergers.
I do not know what words will be attached to my son, or what may need to change based on his diagnosis. I do know that nothing will alter the love I have for my boy. He and I are constant. Still, I fear the words that others will use to write his future.
I am afraid, and I do not know how to write that fear as anything beautiful. There is a total loss of poetry. I come here and attempt to write prose, but all I get is paralysis.
I believe that words are powerful. I need to use mine. I want to use mine. I truly do. Instead, I sit here feeling completely impotent, unable to harness any words that are worthy.
25
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This will do . . .
“I do know that nothing will alter the love I have for my boy.”
25
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Whatever the words, it wont change a thing, just how you teach and help him develop. It will make it easier in some ways and maybe harder in other ways, but knowing is half the battle I think.
My son turns 18 this year, he has had add since 6 years old, tried the medication route, fallen and gotten up more times than i can count and he is going to be OK.
Much love.
25
AM
I can see the beauty in this. It’s an expression of a very profound love and prose can only make it sound prettier but it still feels the same no matter how its written.
BTW, others do not get to write his future. Only he can do that and not matter what labels society places on him, he has the option to break expectations at every corner.
Consider the labels as merely a helpful guide to what others in his situation have dealt with and how the people around him will expect him to act and then help him to break through those expectations and prove to everyone that he’s his own person, much as you are.
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Also, *BIG HUGS*. I know this is stressful but you are handling it magnificently.
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“I do know that nothing will alter the love I have for my boy.”
This really is all that is needed. No amount of Alphabet labels will change it. It’s the words that are scary, not our children.
It may not be Italy, but I hear Holland is nice this time of year.
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Sending love your way.
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As I’m already certain you will, education is the key.
All those diagnoses? They’re just labels. Labels on the spectrum of “behaviors” they (a group of doctors) coined in an effort to direct “treatment” in the right manner.
Your boy may be given a label. However, human behavior is plastic, and it changes as surely as WE change. Labels do not define. They direct. *hugs*
25
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your words are here.
and those other pieces in our ribcage that words don’t match…
no one can define them or shape them for you.
love. sometimes words just plain don’t do it justice.
sending love.
from me (a virtual stranger) to you in hopes that your heart absorbs it and softens around your ribs.
25
AM
Thinking of you during the stressful time of awaiting someone’s diagnosis of your baby!
Fully understand your feeling of a loss of poetry.. but it’s in you and it still shows.
We’re out here for you and your boy – in the big cybersphere.
25
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I know from reading you and your expression of love for your son that you will be his advocate. You will make sure that the future sees him and not a bunch of labels. You will show the world the amazing boy that is your son.
25
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this fear is fear of the unknown. you will know what to do when you get the report, and no matter what that report says, it (he, you) will better than OK. You are awake to the world, and that strengthens you.
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Your heart is being held in a vise right now, because of your intense love for your child. The words you have written here are beautiful. The poetry is lurking in these shadows you are passing through, and because of your love and the prayers offered for you, you will pass through to the other side. The poetry will be intact, and you and your son will be on a sunlit path.
25
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your words will come. for now, your love for him — unalterable, magnificent — is more than enough.
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Any words they use to classify your son will not change who he is…only attempt to describe another one of his layers. We all have them. A label is only restrictive if thats all you focus on.
Your words will come…when they are ready.
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Words are extremely powerful; that being said, labels don’t define a person. I am not my bi-polar disorder. I am simply another fragile, strong, complicated human.
Your son has already been labelled a thousand times in his young life. Son, brother, gentle, kind, complex. There is only one word that really will describe him: Alive. He is alive; a beautiful struggling human being. He is magnificent, and words won’t change that. Hold fast to your love.
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Everyone else’s words here are better than mine. All I can say is ‘good luck.’ and ‘it will work out.’
xxoo
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You will still love each other because the bond goes much deeper than diagnosis.
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Even in paralysis your words speak louder than most. Sending you lots of love and strength. xo
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Thinking of you. Hope the wait is over, soon. Also hoping that those words, (a diagnosis or not) will ease some of the worry, that there will be hope and change and movement forward out from underneath the dark cloud.
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for now these words are enough. the rest will come when they’re ready.
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We’re all impotent, in the end, aren’t we?
If anyone can find the words, though, it’s you.
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The beauty of love is that you don’t have to be perfect to give or receive it. I remember when Katie was diagnosed, my dream child died that day, but not my love.
This is not a consolation or a platitude but suffering is what causes us to grow and instills wisdom in us. It will get better.
Sending a hug.
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your words will be there when you need them.
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Our youngest son was diagnosed ADD, Chilldhood Anxiety Disorder, and Aspergers. He is now 18 – almost 19. He is a Freshman at North Central College – a double major in Japanese and Theater Tech.
Nothing anyone says – no diagnosis – has to write anyone’s future. It’s how those diagnoses are addressed; by the child, by the parents and by the schools in which he matriculates that will define his future. Don’t be afraid. Take charge.
26
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Seeing the diagnosis in black and white may just be one of the hardest things you’ll do. Even if you already know what his diagnosis is likely to be.
It won’t change anything important, although the peripheral stuff will be affected. Strength and peace to you.
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And yet the words that you did use were the perfect ones.
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The labels simply sum up a lot (certainly not all) of what he is going through at this point in time. They do not limit his future, precisely because they do not alter your love. It is obvious that you will not hide behind these labels, shrug your shoulders and say, “Well, what do you expect, he’s xyz.” Instead, they will point you and others in his life in the direction of the right resources, the most applicable methods for nurturing all that is good, and managing all that is difficult. Use these labels to your advantage when getting help, explaining his needs, ordering your thoughts or marshalling your efforts. The rest of the time, ignore them entirely. He’s your son, nothing else matters next to that label, the most important of all.
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those words seem perfect for now…
you ….are perfect for now…
he…is perfect for now….
no one’s words or labels will change that…they will just (hopefully) help you identify with others who can help guide you through the harder days…
please don’t forget that..:*)
26
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Don’t know what to say. Only that it seems like the most amazing mothers I know have boys with extra challenges (including my sister). It’s very hard but I always think how lucky those little guys are to have the mom they do. Much love.
31
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It is so crazy that we occupy the same cramped space, breath the same thin air, hope the same hopes . . .
2
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Great poets are born some say, others say they are created from the steel and grit of life. I say as long as they continue to be on earth, their creation by birth or by forge… Let them share their words with us. Great Job…