Division Does Not Make Us Radical
Written by Kelly on March 12th, 2009Is blogging a radical act?
This question is often asked in regards to Mommy blogging. This one has tattoos and listens to Wheezer. She breast-fed during rock concerts. She likes to kick back on Saturday night with a pint of tequila when the babies are snuggled safely in bed. Are those moms somehow more radical than the chick with the high-waisted jeans and argyle sweater who snuggles little Susie or Johnny gentle in a crib and then prays fervently in the living room at her weekly bible study? What about all us Moms who fall somewhere in the murky inbetween? What about the bloggers who are male, or who don’t have or want children? Am I really suppose to believe that I am so very different from all of them?
Sometimes I have to ask my husband to take the babies, carry them away someplace where I can not hear the screams, whines, and gnashing of toddler teeth.
Haven’t we all been a person in desparate need of a time out? I may be tired of tying another shoe or reading Good Night Moon for the fourteenth time, but that does not mean I have the market cornered on exasparation. Bloggers have lovers, and pets, and bosses, and friends, and cheap furniture that comes with directions in languages they do not understand to keep them on their own ledges of anxiety.
This does not make us bad-ass or bad people. I’m not even sure it makes us radical. It just makes us ordinary and alike. I dare you to find any mother who has not wished to go back to her care-free childless days, even if only for a stolen hour. This is the experience of all mothers, our experiences as people are similar too. We just create arbitrary divisions.
I think division is a result of marketing and fear. A good deal of blogging involves creating a persona and then attaching that persona to a tribe. That tribe supports one another and gains power by how visible it is in the blog world. The fear comes into play when we start allowing our blogging notoriety to be the yardstick by which we define our own worth. Things sure do get dicey then. I wonder if the wars between bloggers would dissipate if the competition for money and comments faded away? How radical it really would be if blogging was a mirror of our own self-perception not the machine we use to create a sense of self-importance, instead.
For me, radical writing is reflection.
Blogging can be the antithesis of reflection. When we allow ourselves to be sucked in by the media machine, we risk losing a sense of our own voice. How many bloggers shut down their blogs when faced with a negative comment? How many bloggers write with the fear of their audience’s reaction in mind? How many bloggers turn their backs on one another in the face of disagreement?
Why are we so afraid of someone telling us they think we are wrong? When we do write a post that we feel teeters on controversial, do we have to disclaimer it with titles like, This will be the post that causes me to lose all my readers? The irony is that those posts are usually not explosive or revelatory and therefore just read like another marketing technique.
I think social networking has created the monster of carefully guarded photo-shopped identity. We can gain accolades for the witty blurbs we leave on our about-me pages. We gather up followers on twitter like greedy fat kids let loose in the candy store, and measure ourselves by our pseudo-sexual banter. We try and define ourselves with blog names and blogrolls and strive to push ourselves higher and higher up on Google’s search page. But, what is the cost of this?
For some, the cost might be popularity. For some, the cost is honest disclosure. For others, there is no cost because blogging is something different, something more.
There are writers who are seamless in straddling the divide. They aspire to be read and found. They have lush evocative words, or humor that causes us to laugh aloud in an otherwise empty room. They are not afraid to lay their heartbreaking human frailties quietly on the page. These writers are unique and individual. Theses bloggers do not worry about any arbitrary rules other than following their own voices, and sharing in the cacophony of comments, great or small, that fill their pages. These are the type of writers who I believe are defining blogging as radical. This is the type of blogger that I aspire to be.
How about you? What kind of blogger would you define yourself as? Tell me some of the reasons why you think people should read you. Or, maybe should not.
(I’m not looking for modesty here. Please don’t be afraid to boldly tell me all the reasons why your blog kicks ass. I really want to know how YOU define YOU.)
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I am one of those mommybloggers, one of those who doesn’t have a tribe, who doesn’t get a lot of comments. I write because bringing my experiences to voice helps me clarify my thinking and solidify my memories. I would be worth reading, I hope, because if we all sample each other’s stories we realize our problems aren’t only ours, and our triumphs aren’t either – we’re all just trying our best, day after day, the variations of which might change a bit in the circumstances, that’s all. By reading each other, we can offer support and encouragement and also feel better about ourselves.
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I am an older mommy blogger – my boys are into their teens there is nothing radical about me or my style. I am just like you and other mommies in many ways – but perhaps my babies are older and it s been longer since I held them on my lap.
I write about dysfucntion in my home, in my life, in my heart and in my opinion there is nothing radical about that either. When I was a teen I wanted to stand out – be different but these days I see that I am just like most other people out there and the only thing that makes me different – special and unique is that my circumstances and my name differs slightly and I fnd some strange comfort in that, that I am not the first one to come to this place in my life – and I will not be the last.
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i’ve gone up and down in the blogging popularity contest. and i’m back to being a blogger who is blogging for me. i may think my blog kicks ass because i’m the one writing it. and i think it’s pretty damn creative. but…if you line it up with other mommy bloggers. well, they kick bigger ass. but…that’s ok. because my blog is my blog. with my elementary school-like words. and my nutso thoughts. i will never be a great writer. i will never be a great blogger. but…i will ALWAYS be great at being me. and i will always be great at being me on my blog.
xoxo
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I hope that I’m the last type of blogger, the one who is honest and real– hey, I may not write about the dirty details selling it like gossip, but I write about the pain inside, or the joy… or trying to find the joy even when there’s pain. And I don’t consider myself a mommy blogger, although I’m a mommy and it’s part of what I do– it’s certainly not important whether I have tattoos or a sweater set. What IS a mommy blogger, anyway?
But I think the radical act of blogging is the way we are wresting the words away from the industries. You don’t need a publisher to be heard anymore, just internet access. You don’t need an MFA to be a working artist, just internet access. And across the world, people can find their tribes… without having to follow the constraints of their particular place on the globe. We don’t need someone else to tell us we are worthy of being heard, we just need to speak.
I don’t play blog wars, and hope I never will. It’s just silly.
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Kelly, you know me. I want to know and be known. Not to be popular, but to be felt. If I can be felt up once a day in a deep and exciting way, then woof, (pull down shirt) I’m good.
Radical is honest. If we are honest, then we reveal we are all vulnerable. If we are vulnerable, then we are beauty.
You, my dear friend, are beauty.
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Wow, sounds like you are describing my village! But, likewise in village world, I’m new in blog world, and I wasn’t aware of any tribal wars. And it’s just because I live in a village that I blog: to get one day, hopefully comments! I want those comments, to tell me what people I wouldn’t otherwise meet think and thus make me in turn think about the bits of my life that my internet persona is comfortable with sharing, however important or insignificant the topic is. I do blog to refect, to churn up thoughts (that’s also why I read blogs like yours), to have the occasional pat on the back or some sign of appreciation. I’m a non-definition blogger. Perhaps I’m just a struggling blogger, a struggling person, and a struggling mother: always in search of an answer!
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I don’t mommy blog(I’m not a mommy), I don’t money blog(I have enough money. Blogs & ads combined turn my stomach), & I don’t comment blog. I blog because it is a terrific release, an honest release for things I need to let go of. Period. ~Mary
ps The type of people who think they will get “noticed” blogging & awarded an Andrew Carnegie Medal of Philanthropy are inpatient delusional.
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My blogging has changed as I pass through different phases. The things I wrote two years ago are not the things I’d write now. Mostly it is an effort to find likeminded others, people who are similar enough in outlook and have a questioning type of mind.
It never bothers me when someone challenges one of my ideas. They’re just ideas, not who I am.
I am concerned about losing readers.. because that is why I write. Otherwise, I’d just think.
Found you via Erin. Your blog is in fact *very good*!
~*
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Blimey, what a load of introspective whys and wherefores! I am, therefore I blog…is that not a good enough reason?! x
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Erin from Woman in the Window refered you in her blog. You too, are a gifted writer. I blog because it is fun to share my day. Then I read to enrich my life. Nice to meet you.
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I blog as a release. To be able to gather my thoughts and type them out brings me peace. I never started blogging in order to be noticed and never expected anyone to be interested.
On the other hand it is nice to be “heard”. To know someone is there “listening” so to speak.
I really like your little spot! Found you via Erin.
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Erin sent me and I’m so glad. I started out blogging to push my business. And then I remembered that I like to write. I took so many writing classes in college and had forgotten how much I enjoy writing. But, I’m not “there” yet. Still developing. No, I’m not a mommy. Don’t want to be. My style? Positive. I don’t like the negative, whiney blogs. Nor am I deep. Yet. Not sure where I’m going But, I’m enjoying the journey. I also look forward to reading more of your blog. I like what I see. Thanks for the thought provoking post! ~Mindy
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I wish I could say what my “voice” is. I like just throwing stuff out there. I used to put alot more time into my blog, lately I feel kind of bad spending too much time on the computer. I’m so glad I started doing this though…because even when bloggers disagree…it’s fun to hear what other creative people have to say!!
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Kel- I honestly can’t think of one reason why anyone should read what I write, except maybe that ya never know what you’re gonna get. but that seems kinda lame ceptin you’re bedridden. I’ve almost blown it up a hundred times. Just a fingertip away. Like yours though! Rick
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I don’t mine the depths in my blog. I write what’s true about what is happening in my world, or what happened a long time ago. I like to blog about Mom and Dad and the family because it makes me remember, and because my brother Bob chimes in and he has always made me laugh. I’m not a mommy blogger because I’m not a mommy. I guess I’m a ME ME ME ME blogger. Mostly I blog because I have always written, ever since I learned to write my name and then Bob’s name, and wrote Kathy and Bobby in pencil in all of our Golden Books. When I was 7, I had a poem published in the local newspaper, and that fanned the flame, which hasn’t died yet.
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Plain and simple – I blog because I enjoy it.
I’m a mommy, a student, a photographer, a cook and wear many, many other hats on my blog. There’s no rhyme or reason……..it just is!
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Erin sent me. You ask good questions and the answers you are getting are fascinating. Good quality, which makes me think you are quality yourself.
I like to write. I blog because it gives me a voice and makes me a few friends and if I am pleased with the post it makes my day.
And I’m a 67 year old mommy blogger; the mommy (grandma) bit seems to be what comes to me to write, even though I do a lot of other stuff.
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Oh no. It’s true isn’t it? Blogging is just some kind of popularity contest. I knew it. I knew it was too good to actually be good.
I guess I’m the blogger who is not a writer. Not the person who’s every post is like some mini novel of genious and prose. It’s cheesy and jeuvenile. Life is too serious and serious is not me.
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“Radical”: yikes.
I worry that my blog is too general-purpose. Everybody knows general-purpose magazines are the wave of the past; thinking and blogging about a whole bunch of things thus sounds not radical but just… kooky, y’know?
Oddly, I find myself reading a lot of mommyblogs not because I have children (I don’t), nor even the prospect of children (ditto). I don’t even need a mommy
. But the writing is just too damned good to pass up, especially when layered on the subject matter and POV which mommyblogging seems to require.
(Here via Maggie, Dammit.)
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Hmmm… I’m a mommy,I blog, I’m not radical even in my disclosure level. I feel like I’m still finding my voice in many ways and blogging helps that process. I enjoy the connections I make, that whole six degrees of separation thingie. I don’t seek out followers although I do feel the thrill of people reading what I write. To me it’s a bit like those sampler platters, a smorgasbord- great fun, intellectually and emotionally stimulating- what else is there in life. Here by way of Erin BTW! Great blog!
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I’m not a mommy
I’m not a woman
I’m not a stay at home Dad
I write because I enjoy it and it is my “thing”
Sometimes I am funny
Sometimes I will make you cry
Sometimes you will read something thought provoking
Sometimes you might think, “I don’t get it”
I try to write quality content that people will enjoy reading
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I can’t stop reading this post.
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Awesomely thought-provoking.
It can be a tough balance between being completely real while also not sharing private things publicly. Most days, I think I do OK. Other days I wonder how I’d even describe my blog. Knowing that certain people may be reading has, at times, kept me from saying something I really wanted to say, and that annoys me, but those are real life people, not fellow bloggers, mostly. I also have no desire to stir up controversy just to do it, so there are some topics I don’t get into (like hard core politics), even if I enjoy reading them on other blogs – when done the right way.
Most of the blogs I read are mommy bloggers, even though I’m not and wish I could be, but still their words resonate with me. You are right that we are not all so different. I’m not sure I’m radical, but I *love* the ability to express myself that I’ve found in blogging, and I *love* finding blogs like yours that are just so damn good and so honest that make me think and feel and get all bloggy inside.
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I started writing as a way to connect to the outside world when I started staying home. I found it to be a wonderful form of expression.
I admit I get caught up in the stats and comments from time to time. But my blog is me. It is my voice. It is my way of finding out who I am and who I want to be when I grow up.
(here from Okay, Fine, Dammit)
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I wish I knew the answer to this. It would have been handy to have a better answer at BlogHer than, “I write about my ta-tas on the internet.”
Personal blogger seems to fit better than mommy blogger for my blog and yet…not.
3.5 years later and I’m still working on a definition.
Sigh.
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I found your blog through a link on Secret Spineless Whine (which I love, by the way). I was drawn by the title, and now I am drawn by the content. What a wonderful thought….blogging as radical. I completely agree.
So why do I blog? And why would I consider it radical? Well, for one, it’s radical (like many blogs) because it’s honest. Although my comments may be clothed in humor or sarcasm, they are straight from my mind’s eye, through my fingertips. I think to be revealing in that way, even if “between the lines” is a radical act in today’s society (and especially where I live, where courtesy is often a coverup for disinterest).
I also think it’s radical because I write the way I speak (that’s what so many friends say about my blog–that they can “hear” my voice), and I speak about everything. You can’t shut me up (isn’t that what a blog is for?). The world confuses me, people (especially stupid people) confuse me, bureaucracy confuses me, rules confuse me, institutions confuse me, media standards of beauty and intelligence confuse me…you can see, there is no end to the list. So that’s what I write about.
I think it’s radical because in my family of origin, maybe like yours, everyone has a “role”. In my family, my sister is the “writer”. I’m breakin’ out of that. I’m a rabble rouser. And I’m proud of it.
And this all sounds like my blog is so serious, which it SO isn’t. So I guess I should add that the reason I think people should read my blog is that I’m funny. Not funny like Wendi Aarons, not ROFLMAO funny (though I’ve occasionally reached that status), but a little bit weird and definitely offbeat funny. And those of us who are out there, slogging through the world of conformity, need someplace to relax and be ourselves. I’m hoping that my blog is one of those places.
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What a wonderful post! I’ll be coming back to read more of you… I too have wondered why people are afraid of being wrong or receiving critical comments. After all if we blog out there publicly, we are inviting in comments from others.
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Here via Maggie.
LOVE this. It’s especially pertinent to me now, as I am so saddened by things I’ve read this past week from some bloggers whom I truly thought I admired.
I blog because I never kept baby books. I want something concrete to go back to to remember this time in my life. Have been at it since 2006 and think that I have finally found my voice. My tone. My WORDS. Regardless of who does (or doesn’t) read me.
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I blog because I’m having fun with it. I have developed online relationships with people who think in the same general direction as I do, and those people are important to me.
I write in a straightforward and conversational manner. No flowery phrases or astounding entries.
I am unable to write about completely personal things like so many bloggers do. I enjoy reading it, I just can’t write it.
Too much exposure?
Don’t know. But I find it wholly fascinating when someone is willing to say completely what they feel.
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I came to visit because of Erin (Woman in a Window).
I’m a relatively new blogger, at least I still consider myself a newbie. My blog is 5 1/2 months old. I started blogging to get my thoughts on paper. I love to write and wanted to record my stories of real life. I think life is funnier, more potent, and more exciting than any fiction. I just don’t think we often take the time to realize how amazing our lives are. I’m officially addicted to blogging. I love it. I love to take the chance at creativity and honesty. The comments are like icing on the cake. It’s always nice to be validated, but the real joy comes in the writing. Seeing my words on paper is my greatest validation.
-FringeGirl
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i was telling a friend the other day about how my blog has landed me in heaps of trouble. More than once.
In part, it has busted my marriage. I am serious about this.
It has angered and hurt my inlaws
It has made my blood relatives tell me how tired they are of my soul searching
She called Mommy Blogging a revolutionary act because the words are sometimes against the grain. That any mommy blogger was using voice. and voice is dangerous.
Doe smy blog kick ass? i don’t knw. But it has hoofed me around the block many a time.
Yet. i cannot seem to shut up.
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I know very little about this blogging world — I am blogging for myself. I read more than I write and I am finding that the collective memory of “mommying” comes through in so much honest writing. For this I am grateful.
I am finding that writing is a way to clarify my thinking and my life. If you don’t mind, I’d like to read more.
The title of this post pulled me in — I’m a math teacher.
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I blog because I’m learning. I never really ‘get it’ until it’s written down and I see it for myself. I blog because it’s a record for my children, grown up now. Some day, I’ll be gone. They’ll have that record, if ever they want it. I blog because I like the interaction with people. Is it a kick ass blog? Probably not. I’m not all that clever, but I’m honest as hell.
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I don’t think I am kick ass or radical, or even in the demographic that defines a blogger. I don’t know how I define myself or what I do.
I don’t know why or if I will keep doing it.
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I write because it gets the stuff I think about, out of my head. I also write to share my story because in truth, we all want to be heard. But there is also always a part of me that looks at how many people read. The need for belonging is a deeply rooted need in our psyche. We are pack animals afterall.
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For various and sundry reasons, a great deal of them related to Orwell’s 1984 (anyone? anyone?), I have avoided social networking, the blogosphere, twitter, facebook, all of it. But for the last two days I’ve been wandering around, stumbling into different blogs like Alice in Wonderland. See, once upon a time I was a writer. These days I’m a lot of things, toddler life coach, military wife, paused grad student, but writer fails to make the list. That singular identity that I used to live and breathe got buried somewhere after college and mommyhood, completely entombed around the time of kid #2 coinciding with 18 months of army related single-mom-dom, and sadly mourned as a life not lived until a few months ago. Kelly, seeing your comments, simple and straightforward and really, I mean duh, right? sort of shined a light in the corner where Writer has been slowly digging herself out. That sounds a lot more DID than I hoped it would.
Succinctly, thanks. From the bottom of my writer’s soul.
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I have become a comment whore. An attention whore, if you will. But as of this date, I have personally met 8 different bloggers, all of whom read me and whom I read, as well. Each of them have been remarkable in their own way, and in meeting, an experience I wouldn’t trade for anything.
My blog has evolved. It started as a diary – an artist in the making and wishing to document his progress as such. That blog still exists, but it gave rise to a second blog which has been much more active – and meaningful. It survived, successfully, blog365. It’s become a habit and a time soak. It is an outlet for my new love – fiction writing. And it’s my one and only way for staying in touch with my friends – my blog friends – who have become just as important to me as my physical friends.
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Blogging for me is get my thoughts out of my head, be creative and trying to define myself and life around me.
Who I am annyway?
I blog just for myself, trying to make my way through life.
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Came here through Maggie – who is always too hard on herself – I don’t think about what kind of blogger I am. And I hope I never do.
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Very thought-provoking post, Kelly… and comments, too. I always tell people that I only blog because I have to. I have to process all these conflicting feeling of motherhood – nay, thank you, personhood – and then have somebody say “I understand, and I like you anyway.” The latter part is important, mind you: I’ve never been a diary-keeper. I need an audience. Which means I have to be careful not to slam my husband when I am really mad at him, or undermine my sister publically when I really need to process THAT relationship. That’s why I keep that “kind blog” button on my site – as a reminder to myself to be kind first, before I honor my own feelings. Any writing that goes public has to consider its audience and how it will affect them. I like to think of myself as a kind writer, yes, but also one searching for honesty. When I first started I got all hung up on getting readers, and then I realized I was just going around commenting on people’s stuff so that they would come comment on my stuff – now that’s dishonest. I would lie awake nights wondering why people weren’t flocking to my site the way they were to others. And then, somewhere along the line, I got over myself, went back to writing when I felt like it instead of on the advisable timeline of bloggers who want to make it big. And commenting when I had something to say. And not worrying about traffic – as much. (On a good day, anyway, right?)
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sometimes i think it’s radical that consider my blog not a marketing platform just waiting for the next drama but as a place for the stuff that’s actually hard to talk about.
of course, those posts tend to beget crickets and i notice those crickets, so my sanctimony is pretty ill-placed.
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I’m a mum and I blog so does that make me a ‘mommyblogger’? I’m not sure I know what one really is. I’m not sure I have a defined reason for blogging. Only my husband knows about my blog so I don’t do it to keep family and friends informed. I have regular readers/commenters and it’s nice to have their comments. I’m just blogging about life as it occurs around me and the odd bit of crafty stuff (sewing, knitting, etc). I don’t try to create a ‘persona’, I’m just ‘me’, and I’d never consider my blogging to be redical, just ordinary everyday stuff.
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I just started writing a blog seriously a couple of months ago and certainly I have been faced with that identity crisis. I’m older (50), I have two teenaged girls (15 & 11) but I don’t really write about them – so does that make me a mommyblogger? I think not. I’m not the perfect mother, the perfect wife. I’m not religious so I’m not talking about my relationship with God or my faith. I’ve ended up using it as part therapy/part memoir/part writing journal/part discovery tool. This is what it is today and I don’t know what it will be like tomorrow. So far, I have a couple of very nice readers (the boy and the girl) and I love feedback and encouragement. But I know that selfishly, I’m doing this for me and I won’t tame who I am for an “audience”. It may be because I am now in the F*** It 50’s. I took Wheezer’s “Pork and Beans” as my anthem for the year and now I am just trying to live it. And write it. So, I guess in a way, blogging is a radical act – but just for me and where I am at. It certainly isn’t radical to read.
Sorry to be so long-winded. Thanks for the question!
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What a wonderful post. I particularly loved your ideas and phrasing of these two things: “blogging notoriety to be the yardstick by which we define our own worth.” and “How radical it really would be if blogging was a mirror of our own self-perception not the machine we use to create a sense of self-importance, instead.”
In answer to your question, well, I’m not entirely sure how to answer your question. I of course enjoy comments and feedback, but it’s not why I write. I write because I need an outlet, a place to express myself. Most of my posts are probably just bland, ordinary ramblings. Every now and then (usually late at night when I should be asleep) I have better written, more insightful posts. I sometimes wish I could write eloquently the way you always do or the way I read others. But it’s not a competition. I find inspiration in your words and the words of the other blogs I read. It gives me connection to people, and I gain insight from the variety of perspectives that are shared through these connections. I am a people person, as we determined in my conducting class. And I am learning so much about so many things just through the shared experience in this blogging community. I like sharing in others’ stories, sending smiles or encouragement. Praying for someone you feel connected to but have never met is a very powerful feeling. Being there to listen to someone is powerful to me.
When I started blogging, I just wanted to write. I never imagined what a beautiful, inspiring community I would become a part of. A community I’ve sorely missed the past two weeks.
I don’t understand the blog wars, they seem so unnecessary. I’ve never really understood that type of competition and irrational behavior. I’m the eternal optimist, I look for the good in everyone and I nearly always find it (whether or not it is overshadowed by something else is another thing entirely) I don’t understand why some people seem so determined to be upset or dramatic when it is so much easier (and in my opinion, better) to be happy and polite. I think we would all do well to remember Thumper’s lesson in Bambi. If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. It’s just unnecessary.
Sorry for the post-sized comment. I’m on the rambly side today.
I’ve missed reading your blog. I’m so happy to be back
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I’m radical because I just get better and better.
Seriously, I’ve always been a late bloomer, and in a way, the blog has been part of finding a voice. I love it for that.
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I am late to this discussion, but oddly enough – I blog because it feels like the only safe place to release some of my insides out into the universe. I am not radical, have no loyal followers, fewer comments and a wealth of much needed escape for the true human within me.
Peace.
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Sometimes my blog is great. I’m really proud of some of my posts (about death, about my FIL, about blogging, about politics) and I am also proud? (not the right word) of how often I’ve laid myself bare. Sometimes my blog is just yakking with the familiars, though, and that is cool too. I try to find value in the minutae of life. Whenever I explain I also try to demonstrate the significance of an issue–to me or to the world.
I did want to say something in the context of your para about controversial writing or being afraid that people will disagree with us. When people challenge me on my blog, I like to meet them at face value and engage in them in debate. Unfortunately, I find this is the exception rather than the rule in the blogosphere. For a long time I hid from controversial issues (and I always avoid needless DRAMA) because I found that very few people really did want to work through issues. There are key exceptions, of course.
Last week, I backed myself into a corner by speaking out about something I’m passionate about in the comments on someone else’s post. Numerous people including the blogger herself accused me of being a mean basher. That knee-jerk defensive tone wearies me and pushes me back into my own little corner with my own little friends. And that frustrates me to no end.
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I should add, “Hello”. I popped over here from Bon’s comments.