Theme and moral are not the same thing. Moral is pre-determined and functions on the idea that right and wrong, good and evil, are fixed concepts. I think all of us live somewhere in between. We are abstractions. Theme is what happens when you put a bunch of abstractions into one place. Sit back. Watch them collide.

Sometimes collisions are necessary. Sometimes crashing is a beautiful thing. My son craves movement. He spins. He slides. He leaps from things as if the air has given him a triple dog dare. He has to answer the challenge.  My son is crashing just so he can feel. It is his means to know the world. Doctors call this Sensory Integration Disorder. I wonder, sometimes, if the whole world has Autism.

I want to write like wreckage. In Written on the Body, Jeannette Winterson deconstructs the concepts of love and gender. A man, who might be a woman, loves a woman, who might be a man, who has a husband that is not love anymore. Winterson purposely withholds identity because she knows it does not matter. There is a fine line between a protagonist and an antagonist. Sometimes, there is no line at all.

I admire the way Winterson makes lust beautiful. I would like to do what she does. I want my words to press themselves together, like that moment in sex when you are a tangle of elbows and thighs. You do not contemplate possession. You simply are possessed. Without arbitrary divides, bodies crash into bodies. Everyone hot, wet, and weightless. Writing, like sex, should be this beautiful ambiguity.

I want to write the way I live. Things get messy.

I hate the idea that blog readers are searching for moral. I am not moral or brave because I admit my own failings. I am not immoral just because I can write about the tenderness I have for my children in the same paragraph I detail liking to fuck. I am much more complicated than a childhood fable. I am not porn.

Everyone is always pontificating about the decay of blogging, bloggers. I do not understand that. Blogging is a genre that allows us to penetrate myths. Others. Our own. Blogging is a beautiful abstraction. It is like racing down the road at 100 miles an hour with all the windows rolled down. You can not orchestrate a collision. You simply have to let go of the wheel.